Growing up, how often did you hear things like, “do as I say, not as I do,” and “because I said so?” As a kid, I hated hearing those words. They always meant that the conversation, argument, debate, etc. was done and immediately built a barrier to further discussion. It also demonstrated, whether I recognized it at the time or not, hypocrisy and a lack of conviction from whatever authority figure uttered those conversation killing words.
I also unwittingly learned irony when those very same individuals used another well-known and common phrase: “Actions speak louder than words!”
As I entered adulthood, and especially parenthood, I decided I never wanted to be that dad. I wanted to be the adult that embodied and allowed for thoughtful dialogue and critical thinking to address the ‘whys’ of life. I recognized that there is rich opportunity in redirecting my children’s ‘whys’ into questions they could answer for themselves. Instead of hitting the easy button and telling them to do as I say or some other shut down directive, I thought it more constructive to walk with them through reasoning, allowing them to make good decisions, and empowering them in their thought process.
I also want to acknowledge that I fail in this endeavor often! My impatience and frustration get the best of me, and I revert. But it does not change the fact that I want to intentionally foster an environment of thought and conversation in my home.
And what about at work? I have never had to resort to “because I said so,” but what do my actions portray? When I preach the importance of family time, vacation, and being present at home, am I analyzing the hypocrisy of my words when I constantly work late and don’t take my vacation days (or consider them remote workdays!)? Do my peers and subordinates observe my words in my actions? Am I leading by example? If we do not ask ourselves these very important questions and honestly assess and analyze our actions, we may be communicating unintended messages and living a lie. It’s at least worth our consideration.
Written by David Gutierrez
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